How to Have Fun

He asked me what I wanted to learn, what I wanted him to teach me. I said I don't know. But as I sat with the question, one word kept coming to mind: fun.

A couple nights later I tell him this as we start our dance. He insists I already know how to have fun. What does he know? I start to insist that I don't, but then he twirls me around. And I smile. I open up to the possibility that I do know how to have fun, that I don't need to be taught this. I consider that it's more a matter of my self-perception. My attitude. A feeling, or lack of feeling. So it may appear to others that I not only know how to have fun but also have a lot of fun, but sometimes I'm not fully allowing myself the freedom to fully enjoy my freedom to fully enjoy. Does that make sense?

As the dance continues, I ask for suggestions of something else to learn, and he suggests exploring more ways to love myself. And that really is just what I need. I'm pretty good at lovin' myself up, to some extent. Now it's time to go deeper. Now it's time to go higher. People always say you can't love others unless you love yourself. Not sure I agree. Sometimes I agree, but sometimes, like tonight, I don't. Sometimes I need the golden rule in reverse: do to myself as I would do to others-- love, accept, encourage, etc. Yes. That sounds right. What would I say to a friend or client or student who felt he or she needed to learn how to have fun? Surely something about releasing fears and shame, being worthy and deserving of fun and all the richness that life has to offer. Surely something about self-love.

I'd also ask, "what is fun? What do you enjoy?" And suddenly, in this moment, as I ask myself those questions, I realize something. Something about semantics. Fun vs. Enjoyment. Although there's plenty that I enjoy doing alone (and enjoy plenty of alone time), it's the sharing of experiences with someone, or somepeople, that makes something really "fun." So I guess the word "fun," for me, implies something about a shared experience. The "fun" that I have when I'm alone, I don't usually refer to it as "fun." Hmmmm.... I wonder if realizing all this will shift something in me, if I'll feel that quality of "fun" even when alone. I certainly can see that happening. Actually, I've seen it, experienced it, in the past. And it does have something to do with self-love. So exploring more ways to love myself most likely will teach me something about fun. Perhaps it just did.

And so goes the dance...

© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.