Crazy Bitch Remover, please

Is there a product out there like that? Bitch Be Gone or something?
Something to energetically remove the bad vibes I just got from this crazy bitch I just encountered?

I thought I was safe. I know how extra sensitive and open I am after receiving a massage. But I thought I'd be safe going into the health food store in Anacortes. But as soon as I walked in the door, I heard her ranting about some woman on a cell phone and how rude that is. I should have turned around and walked right back out that door. But no. I stayed away from this woman for as long as I could, but then I wanted to look at the B vitamins. She was standing right next to them. I didn't want to say anything, out of fear of her reaction. So I just sort of snuck in, slid by, to grab a bottle off of the shelf. And suddenly her eyes were up from the book she was reading, big and wide and angry and on me. "Excuse me," she said, with major attitude. And then she started going off on some rant about manners and personal space. At first I bit my tongue, but then I told her that I figured I'd have disturbed her more by saying, "excuse me." Well that set her off even more. I thought she was gonna hit me. Again, I had to bite my tongue. It was so tempting to get into it with this lady. As peacefully so as possible on my end. But I was still in this altered state from my massage and somewhat afraid this woman might turn physically violent; she was already verbally and energetically there. So I retreated and got the hell out of there. Not super disturbed, but disturbed enough.

So as I walked to my car, I wondered if there was some sort of product, a spray, like an aura protection spray. And actually there is. I have a bottle of it. It's called "Cloud of Protection." And I'm going to go use some right now. And then maybe go for a walk to let the wind cleanse me.


© 2009 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Letting Go (of me)

We hear it all the time. Let go of this. Let go of that. Let go of him. Let go of her. But what about letting go of ourselves? What about loving ourselves enough to let go of self-imposed limitations, habitual ways of thinking or seeing ourselves or being? How about loving ourselves enough to just let go, to live and love freely? How about trusting enough to feel safe and supported in opening up and revealing both our strengths and vulnerabilities?

Last night as I was driving back to Anacortes, I was listening to the radio and heard some song lyrics like, "I love you enough to let you go." And that got me thinking about love and attachment and detachment and letting go. Actually, I think I was already thinking of those things. But hearing this song somehow took my thoughts in another direction.

I started thinking about self-love and feeling worthy of love and what that looks like. And that's when I heard these words in my head: "I love myself enough to let myself go."

Is it true? Do I? Last night they were just words, just an idea. But tonight, they turned into this question. As I was walking around the marina a little while ago thinking about this, I saw an image that I had seen on Friday: hands wrapped around my lower spine.

On Friday, during a CranioSacral turned SomatoEmotional Release session, this image came to me. They were not my hands. They were large, strong, manly hands belonging to some god-like being or angel perhaps. They had been there since my accident, holding me together, protecting me from feeling pain. So the session turned into an opportunity to let these hands know that they were no longer needed, that what was once helping was now hindering, now harmful. They were slow to let go, but they did start to fade. And tonight when I remembered this image while thinking about loving myself enough to let myself go, I heard the question: "Do you love yourself enough to let yourself go?" And with that I crumbled. Momentarily, but powerfully. Stopped in my tracks to shed a few tears. Feeling some fear and sadness but also gratitude for this illumination, for this reminder to step this self-love and letting go thing up a notch.

I actually have been loving myself up and letting myself go more and more over the past several months, more so than ever. But what would it feel like to let go even more? What would it look like and feel like and be like to love myself enough to let myself go more completely, to trust enough to release any remaining overprotective mechanisms that go against my greatest good? And as I ponder that, I see those hands fading again. I see myself crumbling again. But not because I need those hands to hold me up. But because I don't. And that release brings relief. I feel my body soften and sink, and I see myself crumble in sweet surrender. I see myself rise back up, stronger and more open than ever.



© 2009 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.