Day 4, Tuesday, I woke up feeling more at ease and wrote in my journal, ¨The rest of the week will be easy! I know now how to get to and from classes, what it´s like, etc. Maybe after a day or two I´ll have to push my comfort zone again or work on something challenging like translating the washing machine instruction manual, since the icons are not much help!¨Little did I know all the little challenges and comfort zone pushes that would come up for me the rest of the week! Or even the rest of that day....
Got out of bed and checked email. It was nice to wake up to so many comments to the first note, The Traveler, I had posted on Facebook. My dad had also emailed me, pointing out some synchronicity in that the very last line of the Henry Kissinger book he´d been reading for a few weeks, and that he had just finished reading, was this Spanish proverb: "Traveler, there are no roads. Roads are made by walking." :)
Speaking of walking, as I walked to the subway, I noticed that my big toenails looked discolored. One of my biggest fears in life is getting toenail fungus. No offense to anyone who has it. But it´s true; I don´t want it! So, I start getting worried and wondering how this could have happened. The past few months, I was reading a book called Healing and Recovery by David Hawkins. I won´t get into it all here and now, but basically it includes some exercises to help cancel out beliefs that have manifested as disease. So as I rode to school, I silently repeated this affirmation of ¨I used to believe I was subject to overgrowth of yeast, fungus, and parasites (figured I´d just throw them all in there!). I am no longer subject to that. I am an infinite and innocent being!¨ I repeat this so much that at some point I´ve unintentionally created a new word: fungicites. And I like it. The word, that is. I looked down periodically to see if the discoloration was gone, like as if canceling it out could work that fast!
And then I try another Hawkins exercise, which is to just surrender it, so I repeat the affirmation several more times, but with the addition, ¨But if it´s God´s will then so be it.¨ And, yes, I am amused by all of this and silently laughing at myself. I also look down after all this surrendering and realize that obviously I have more surrendering to do if I´m still checking on it!I also developed a theory that it had something to do with some old nail polish that I´d never gotten off completely. So I bought some nail polish remover at the end of the day, and it did seem to do that trick. Or maybe it was all those affirmations. We´ll never know!
Also noticed on the subway how unhappy and frowny people were, and seemingly even more so if I dare smiled at them! This reminded me of the way people were in Budapest, so perhaps it´s just the way people are when in the rat race of a big city, especially if economically depressed. I look at them and want to tell them they can still choose to be happy. I´m reminded of why I must continue teaching Sheng Zhen Qigong, and Supreme Science Qigong-- how much it helps people experience the interconnectedness, the oneness, and how empowering, supportive, and uplifting that is.
I also daydream momentarily about writing a book just by riding the subway all day for as many days as it would take. And then I arrive at 9· de Julio, my stop, and I walk to the school to meet my Tango teacher.
His name is Gustavo. He looks like he´s in his mid to late 20´s, but could be in his 30´s. Shaggy dark hair. A short beard and mustache. White t-shirt. Sports pants. Looks kinda like he just woke up.
He leads me and two other ladies to the dance studio, about 5 minutes walk from the school. I spoke with him in Spanish and also in English during the walk. My classmates Camila and Cecilia are Brazilian (again!) so they were behind us talking to each other in Portuguese. Classes were in a dance shop, Darcos Magic Shoes, full of tango shoes and dresses, sporty dance shoes, and fancy pants. :) Fancy pants. I just like saying that.
We walked upstairs to the dance studio. The dance floor was faded and fairly small, but big enough for us. Two of the walls were mirrored, and where the mirrors ended, racks of tango magazines and benches began. There was also a small bar that wasn´t open. And a window along the length of the dance floor, looking out onto the street.
In this first class, we learned the basic step and posture, just follwoing along, watching Gustavo and also watching ourselves in the mirror. We´d practice without music. With music. Slow. Fast. Changing it up. We´d practice just walking to the beat and then adding in the steps. And then we each got a turn to partner with Gustavo. I started to get the hang of the steps, and of waiting to be lead, rather than anticipating the next move and starting to go without being lead; I started to feel the connection. I was told I needed to work on resistance, but Adrian´s been telling me that for months. So now I´d have a chance to practice several times a day in these classes!
Gustavo would mostly speak Spanish (entonces was the word of the day), and my classmates could understand most of what he said. I, on the otherhand, could not. Sometimes he´d repeat in English, sometimes he wouldn´t. Sometimes I´d request that he repeat in English. Sometimes I wouldn´t bother, especially since you can always learn movement simply by watching and then imitating. It´s just that words and instructions and explanations and tips and pointers and all that stuff make it easier. I must say that I felt pretty tired by the end of two hours of trying to learn a dance AND a language at the same time! But I liked that by the end of that first class, I already saw improvement. I also liked how some of the things he said could be taken beyond the dance floor, like, about not needing to think too much, but that he knows it´s hard for us ladies not to think (this was in reference to the woman just following, so easy! ;)) I have some mixed feelings about Gustavo, but I do like my tango classmates, both from Sao Paulo.
After class, I went out for lunch alone. Just ate some lettuce with chicken. Boring. But I was in a hurry to sit down and eat, feeling so tired, and my back was a bit achy. In the cafe, I was thinking about how there´s constant noise here, constant activity. I wrote in my journal, ¨I´´m not used to it. My system will adapt though. I hope! :)¨
This 2nd day of Spanish seemed extra stressful. Maybe because it followed 2 hours of Tango, in which I was trying to understand mostly Spanish. Maybe because my Brazilian classmates were having lots of side conversations in Portuguese, and it was both distracting and confusing. Maybe because the chairs are uncomfortable and I´m not used to sitting for hours. Or maybe I´m pms-ing. Or maybe my teacher´s right about it just being normal to not understand or speak as well as I can understand writing.
But being the only non-Brazilian, other than the teacher, really had me feeling a bit uncomfortable today. Although I get 80-90% of the homework right, and it seems pretty easy, I have been having a very hard time understanding spoken Spanish. My classmates are conversing with each other and with the teacher, and sometimes breaking out into laughter, and I have no clue what was said, other than maybe a few words. It´s hard to spend 4 hours struggling to understand what everybody´s saying. And I miss laughing. Not just chuckling. But really laughing.
It was clear to me that my classmates´ conversation skills definitely were not beginner. They were intermediate. But the homework and lessons were beginner, so I figured this is just how it was going to be. And I didn´t like it. Not at all. Although the first day had ended on a pretty positive note, now I didn´t really feel I was learning much, since a lot of the class time was spent conversing, and my classmates were so ahead of me in that department that I´d just sit there starting to fall asleep or feeling bad or frustrated or bored and wondering if this is really how it´s supposed to be. I raised my concerns with the teacher, and she suggested I watch t.v., since I´m not living with a host family or in a hostel, where i´d hear spoken Spanish more.
It was raining on the way home. Still hot out, but slightly cooler, and the rain was refreshing. When I arrived home, I discovered that the water wasn´t heating up for the shower. I didn´t think that the heater in the kitchen was what controlled the bath water, but I went out into the kitchen to check, and I saw that the heater flame was out again. Good chance for me to turn it back on myself. At first it didn´t work, but I tried again, and voila! Maybe it takes some time for the hot water to kick in though, cuz I ended up taking a cold shower still! It was ok though, as I was pretty hot and the air con hadn´t fully cooled the place down yet. Also good practice for being places where there´s no hot water. Just didn´t think Buenos Aires would be one of those places! ;) I also practiced some breathing method that´s supposed to help you stay warm. I don´t think I was doing it right, but I did get used to the cold. And the combination of the cold and getting a little lightheaded lifted some of that weight I´d carried home with me that day.
After showering, I ate some lentils and wild rice. Mmmmm. Mostly I´ve been eating a lot of protein, animal protein, so I was happy to end my day with a vegetarian meal.
Went online feeling pretty good and wanting to write more and check email, but ended up getting triggered by one of the emails in my inbox and it put me in even more of a funk than I´d been in earlier, so I replied emotionally, and then I watched 45 minutes of cartoons in Spanish while giving myself a foot massage with peppermint lotion. It helped a bit. But in general, I´d say this was not the best of days....
That pic above is of the downstairs of the dance place, not the dance floor we used for out classes...
© 2011 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.
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