an unfamiliar familiar feeling

For the past 7 days I've felt more pain and discomfort in my body than I've felt in years. Thanks to an intense physical therapy session, something shifted, something was disturbed, or unsettled, opened up-- perhaps all for the better-- perhaps not--- My body is experiencing all sorts of aches and pains that weren't there before. And it's no fun. To be quite honest, it's been bringing me down. It's hard to be happy, to feel excited, to see and think clearly, when my body's crying out and all the old traumas and wounds are releasing their energetic holdings.

Over the past few years, since starting my qigong practice, and discovering continuum movement, and dancing more and more, I haven't actually felt as much pain or bodily discomfort as I had previously. Or maybe it just didn't bother me as much emotionally. But this is different. I'm all bent out of shape over it. Perhaps because of the newness. It's not the typical aches and pains. It's deeper. It's old. And it doesn't know what to do.

Last week my craniosacral therapist and I talked to my sacrum. Yes, we talked to my sacrum. Oh, and some scar tissue too. Sacrum presented as a curmudgeonly character who wasn't particularly happy where he had been, but who didn't really like being disturbed either. He (yes, my sacrum seems to be a he, at least last week and, yes, today, he's still a he)-- he knows where he needs to be, and he knows the importance of communicating and cooperating with the other parts of the body, but there's this reluctance. And fear. And also something structural in the way. And that's where scar tissue comes in. Over-protecting. Getting in the way.

Perhaps I just need some more patience. And acceptance. Perhaps I could even be grateful for this reminder of what it's like to live with such a sharp and unsettling type of pain. It's been so long-- not only have I not had such intense pain in a long time, but I've just gotten so accustomed to living with some mild degree of discomfort that I'd sort of forgotten just how distressing it can be. How it can take over.

So for now I'm just going to listen to and obey my body as best I can: Slow down. Stop. Be easy and gentle. Allow movement. No force. Shhhhhh......



© 2009 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.