Since returning home from Austin, I've been struggling quite a bit. I don't feel I've fully returned. Today is my first day to be in the quiet of my own home without a list of things to do or calls to make. I woke up feeling anxious and angry, so I went for a walk. On this walk I found myself questioning everything: what I believe, who I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I want. I felt I was having a bit of an identity crisis. And while questioning all my belief systems and practices, suddenly I realized that the only belief system or part of myself that I wasn't questioning was Sheng Zhen Qigong.
And then it hit me: perhaps Sheng Zhen provides all the answers, or at least the soothing big picture so that some if not all of those questions and/or desires for answers fade away.
So I decided to see what happens to all this uneasiness I've been feeling, if I go through all of the Sheng Zhen forms. In one day. A Sheng Zhen marathon. Something I've never done.
In a parallel universe I'm still in Austin, and I'm attending the Southwest Symposium, practicing Healing Qigong all day long. So in this universe I'm dedicating my day to going through all the forms. And writing about it wasn't part of the original plan, but after completing Awakening the Soul, I felt inspired to write. I felt inspired to share.
Awakening the Soul
One must practice to keep the heart open To become rooted in the bliss at the core
This is one of my favorite Sheng Zhen messages. It's such a good reminder. Every time I hear it, I either smile inside, pleased with myself that I am practicing and that I am becoming rooted in the bliss at the core, OR I sort of laugh at myself and say, "oh, yeah, duh!"
Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I stop practicing. Sometimes I slip into an abyss of doubts. Sometimes I forget about the importance of building my foundation, loving myself, forgiving myself. Sometimes I forget that if I'm rooted in the bliss at the core, what others say or do will neither severely depress me nor severley elevate me. Middle path. Middle way. Steady amidst the waves.
don Miguel Ruiz says to take nothing personally. Even good things. When somebody doesn't like you, so what? When someone does like you, so what? When you don't get hired after an interview, so what? When you do get hired after an interview, so what? When your class is full, so what? When your class is empty, so what? It's all the same. You can take it or leave it. As long as you're doing your best. As long as you love yourself. As long as you accept yourself.
I started Awakening the Soul with a heavy heart. And ended it with one too. And that's ok. That's part of life. Opening the heart felt forced. Love descending on me brought strength. Unravelling the heart brought some tears. Suddenly lifting the veil, I realized my back wasn't elongated, and when I opened up and stretched out more, I felt more confident. Holding the heavens grounded on earth always reminds me of my car accident, as I had to hold myself up while waiting for help to arrive, and today I was pleased by the ease with which I held this position. Freeing oneself to become a saint reminded me of the importance of becoming rooted in the bliss at the core. Walking to the center of heaven did nothing for me. Returning to the origin, I finally felt some calm and peace settling in, and then I felt inspired to write....
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