The Language of Love: Hungarian?!?!

Yes, Hungarian. Since my Hungarian ex-husband and I split, in 2005, I've continued to sometimes think in Hungarian. I've usually said it's mostly when I'm irritated (i.e. muttering insults under my breath when a bad driver cuts me off in traffic). But what I've realized recently is that I also think in Hungarian when I'm feeling a lot of love and affection for someone (i.e. terms of endearment).

I'm in L.A., staying with Galit and Robi, who speak Hungarian to each other and to their 20-month-old son Misi (s=sh). I like hearing it, and it's amazing how much I understand what they're saying. I met Galit my first day at Hampshire College. We became the best of friends right away. She was a clown. I was afraid of clowns. She was a comedian. I loved to laugh. She was a Pisces. I was a Virgo. We looked somewhat alike. It was perfect.

Right before our last year of school, she married her Hungarian guy, and we all lived together, along with another friend. At their wedding was where I met my ex. I started learning Hungarian right away and loved it. It was fun! And funny. I loved making up words, like combining the words for "cow" and "baby" instead of learning the word for "veal." I loved the way some of the words sounded, especially words with "cs" for some reason (cs=ch). Kivancsi. Kecske. Csucs. What else?

Misi lights up when I speak to him in Hungarian, calling him things like "kis majom" (little monkey). I look at him and think about how in a parallel universe, I'd be pregnant right about now. Speaking Hungarian to my own little baby. That had been the plan. But it wasn't meant to be. Despite how dangerously cute our children would have been, my ex-husband and I are on such different planets/paths now that I am so grateful we said goodbye when we did. But before we said goodbye, I was deeply influenced by this relationship; he was my first love (at least what I thought of as "love" at the time). And so Hungarian did become my language of love, the language in which to express terms of endearment. Sounds strange to me to say "sweetie," but "edeske" rolls off the tip of my tongue. So although there's a lot that I learned at that time that I needed to unlearn, the language has remained a deeply ingrained part of me. And I'm realizing now that that's not such a bad thing. It used to bother me. But not anymore. Although Hungarian's not super useful language, I do still care about and keep in touch with my ex, his family (puszi, eszter!), and his friends (szia puli!)-- and Galit and Robi and Misi of course. So whatever....I'm relieved that it no longer stirs up a sense of loss, but instead brings a smile to my face and reminds me how lucky I am, not only to have experienced all I did in that relationship (good and bad), but that it all worked out by not working out. All is just as it should be. Es nem akarom hurkat. (Andi, you remember that? ;))


© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Santa Cruz, days 3 & more

The past 5 days have been like a dream. A very good dream. What happened on Day 3 in Santa Cruz? I went for a walk with Word and was in awe of all the green. Green, green, green everywhere. I laughed as I remembered that I brought my green color therapy glasses. Usually I travel with red. And usually I never even use them! But I thought it was funny that I brought my green glasses. Who needs green glasses when there are forests to walk through and loving friends to help heal and open the heart?

After the walk, I received a Medical Qigong/Acutonics/CranioSacral session from Word. Lots of energy flowing, and I learned a new qigong and healing sounds exercise for the health of my gall bladder. The sound is “Shu,” which made me laugh because I often think , “Shhhhhh” when my liver and gall bladder get over-stressed with planning and decision-making.

After the session, I decided not to go run errands with Word and to just lounge around and integrate the session until 6-ish when a couple of other ladies arrived at the house for a New Moon Gathering. It was a sweet gathering, just 5 of us, discussing astrology and sharing our intentions. We sat in a circle on the floor and used rose quartz as the talking stone. It reminded me of Heart Circle, which would happen once a week at Heartwood. It was one of the things I missed after leaving Heartwood, that weekly check in, speaking from the heart, witnessing and being witnessed.

The only challenge for me was the sitting; my back was experiencing a lot of physical and energetic shifting around, thanks to the earlier session. After the share, we did some eye-gazing. I noticed that I no longer feel uncomfortable with that exercise itself (and man did I used to!), but I felt my body shutting down, needing sleep, and so I listened to my body and stretched out on the ground instead of finishing the 2nd round of eye-gazing. It felt good to listen to myself. To not force it. This was in line with one of my intentions, which was/is to do what’s really best, not to let a sense of obligation or what other’s might think influence me. But to really be in integrity and honor my voice of inner-knowing.

The next day I thought I’d leave Santa Cruz and spend a night alone. Wasn’t sure where. Thought I might even drive to L.A. rather than fly. I drove Word an hour south to Monterey, dropped him off, and ended up at the beach in Carmel. I stretched out in the sand and listened to the waves. Soaked up some sun. Again, I listened to my body. My body was requesting stillness. And a massage. And so I found myself back at the round house in Santa Cruz.

Tangelina came in right after I arrived. We laughed over my attempted escape from “the vortex.” I shared with her how traveling South always feels so much easier than traveling North, and she said that’s what the Ents say. Ents? She explained and showed me a clip on YouTube from the 2nd Lord of the Rings. Ents are talking trees! I loved being in agreement with talking walking trees. So cool, right? We made a plan to watch Twin Towers that night. But first a massage!

And so I received an amazing massage from Tangelina. So glad I didn’t go to some random place in Monterey or Carmel. So glad I went back to Santa Cruz. Tangie has a great touch and energy. Plus she included belly and breasts, which so rarely get attention during massages. There was some intense sadness and grief coming up with my lower abdomen (my intestines and lack thereof), and we moved through it. One of the other highlights of the session was when she standing at my feet, not touching me, and I felt this spiral of energy and opening in my chest. I asked her if she had just done something hands-off. It turned out that she had put “etheric” acupuncture needles into my Kidney 1 points on my feet and twisted them a little. When she said that, I realized that where I felt the spiraling and opening was on the Kidney meridian and the extension of the meridian. Sweet!

Never did watch a movie, as someone arrived for a sort of follow-up to the New Moon Gathering. But we snuggled and laughed, and laughed some more. Good times indeed. So grateful to have spent some more time with this lovely lady. And the other ladies of the Round House. And of course with Word. And Fa Jun too. Hooray for another home away from home!

And now onward to another one or two in L.A. with my old college housemates, and their families, before I dive into the depths of the Continuum Movement retreat.


© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Santa Cruz, days 1 & 2

Woke up this morning in Santa Cruz, to the sound of the rain, yes, rain! And lots of it. Pouring down, all around this roundhouse deep in the woods. When I look out the windows, all I see is green. And mist. Like being in gigantic treehouse. I love it here. And it's not just the house or the scenery; it's the the love and affection, the conversation, the laughter, the food, the qi, all flowing so freely.

Deb and I drove down yesterday, from Half Moon Bay. Actually, from Princeton, but Half Moon Bay sounds better, and they're neighbors, so whatever.....We drove down to Santa Cruz after a yummy breakfast of miso soup and mochi, and a long-awaited practice of Kuan Yin Sitting Qigong. We used to practice this together super early in the mornings, before Tai Ji, at Heartwood. When I practice this form alone, I often feel Deb with me in spirit. So good to actually be practicing together again.

And when we arrived in Santa Cruz, we were pleasantly surprised by our friends' home: a beautiful red round house in the woods. A warm welcome from Tangelina. Word was not home, but returned home soon. Deb whipped up some lunch for us. And the day was spent much like the previous day: eating healthy delicious nourishing food, lounging, and talking. Lots of laughter. Lots of love. I felt I was at home. So grateful to be here.

Another night of lots of dreams, waking up frequently to the pouring rain rather than the fog horn, but always falling back to sleep. Eventually got up for good, meditated seated, and then stood up to practice Kuan Yin Standing. Lots of qigong being practiced in this house. I could feel others' practices later in the morning. Inspired to line up some spring qigong classes, I took care of some business after breakfast.

AND THEN, I went out for the day. First to meet with Copperwoman, an amazingly inspirational singer/songwriter I had met in August. I went to her house, which happened to be close to where I was staying. We shared some of our stories, had some rich conversation, and then she fed me some lunch-- funny; before I came to California, I had a feeling that food and meals were going to be a huge part of the nurturing aspect of this trip, and I was right. She also gifted me with a c.d. I don't have yet. Looking forward to listening to it!

After visiting with Copperwoman, I went into town to meet with Fa Jun, formerly known as Christien, for more catching up and rich conversations. We covered all the basics: where we're living, business, relationships, spirituality, money, what else? Oh, that reminds me; last night I sat in on a women's phone conference/meeting, and the topic was money. Interesting stuff to hear and share varying experiences and perspectives on money.

I had some revelations that I'm not going to share here and now. But I am grateful for the conversations that contributed.

Said goodbye to Fa Jun, and walked down the street to the movie theatre. Thought it might be good to zone out, after so much condensed rich social interaction! But instead I went shopping, and within twenty minutes, the ladies I'm staying with called and said they were at that movie theatre about to see "Imaginarium," and so I joined them. So in the flow. And what a trip that movie was. Not sure it was much of a zone out, but that's ok. I'm about to zone out by going to sleep.

As I read back over this I want to write more about the specifics of today's conversations. But I'm just too wiped out, which is why this is mostly just a summary of the day without much depth....

   © 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Half Moon Bay

Waking up to a beautiful sunrise over Half Moon Bay....Yesterday was one long sweet day.....I woke up at my parents' house on Mercer Island.....My childhood best friend came over for tea.....Despite how much we've grown apart, it always ends up feeling good to catch up.....Went to the airport and remembered how much I love traveling.....Couldn't believe it had been 6 months since I'd been on a plane.....Thought back to the year that I flew every month or two.....4 trips to Austin, 3 or 4 trips to Cali, 1 trip to Arizona, am i forgetting something?

Started reading The Tao of Inner Peace on the plane, and I'm thinking about starting another blog related to that.....Arrived in Oakland in what felt like a blink of an eye.....Rented a car and drove to Half Moon Bay....The Ford Focus has awful visibility; I don't recommend it (chris, if you're reading this, which I doubt you are, tell your dad to fix the blindspots please).

Arrived at Deb's and Jeff's in Half Moon Bay....Jeff stayed away so we could have a "girl day."...Sweet, sweet Deb was ready and waiting with tortillas, avocados, quinoa salad, and a big warm full-body belly-to-belly hug (as always).....Mmmmmm.....We spent the afternoon and evening eating and lounging on pillows on the floor, talking and talking some more, and practicing a non-moving form of qigong.....Never made it outside for our walk, but will this morning....And right before going to sleep, Jeff didn't show up, but two of his friends did, and so we chatted for awhile, telling them a bit about our time at Heartwood together.....And then finally SLEEP!

So many strange dreams about keys/houses/auditoriums/crowds/chairs/what else?, and I woke up after each one.....Hearing the fog horn every 7 seconds.....Hearing the waves rolling in to the shore just as often, if not more....Waking up to a beautiful sunrise over Half Moon Bay.


© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.