Deciding Not to Go

Seems I’m getting better at making decisions these days, getting better at not just hearing that initial voice, but listening to it. Trusting it. Learning what it feels like to just know what’s best without a whole lot of second guessing.

Last night I decided not to go to a party, and not to go to dance either. I felt I had to be with my parents. I didn’t know why. But I knew I had to go to their house for dinner. Oh, and Reiki. After spending the past couple of mornings by my friend’s bedside in the hospital, I was feeling the need to receive some healing touch myself, so I enlisted my mom.

The phone call came towards the end of dinner. My mom came back to the table with teary eyes and said that her dad had just passed away. I was a bit shocked. After all, I had just made that big decision to go see him, to hop on a plane on Monday. But I was also feeling grateful. Grateful that I had listened to my gut about being at my parents’ house that night. Grateful that I had decided to go to Florida, even though now it was too late….

And last night I felt really clear that I wouldn’t be getting on that plane on Monday. I felt it was best for me to stay home now. To be with my mom since she can’t leave town and go to the funeral. To be here for me too. It just felt like the best thing to do. I knew that I had to stay, just as strongly as I had known that I needed to go.

This morning I woke up with some questioning, but it didn’t last long. As soon as I heard myself talking to my aunt and then my friend about it, I realized that there was no need to think it over any longer. I knew. I know. So I’ve decided not to go.


© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.