So Hard to Ask

The Note I posted on Facebook this morning:

It's always been hard for me to ask for help. It's actually easier for me to ask for help with things like emotional support, processing, bodywork, etc, than things like moving furniture, hanging a mirror or painting on the wall, putting together an outfit, etc. Silly. But true. And last week I was faced with confronting this challenge. I needed help moving furniture, and I couldn't put it off any longer. [Gulp.] May not sound like a big deal to you, but it was a big deal for me, both the asking and the receiving..... I didn't grow up with parents who asked friends or community for help, so I didn't have that as a model. I'm also seeing now that there are issues of control/fear and self-worth that make asking for help a challenge.

So when I sent out an email to a dozen guys in Seattle the other day, asking if anyone could help move a bed for me, that was really hard for me. Sending out an email to new and old friends and acquaintances, and even to exes, was less scary than calling or emailing just a few directly, but it was still scary. So thanks to all of you who were on that email list, even if only as a sort of buffer! ;)

Now, why was it so scary? In addition to what I mentioned above: Not wanting to inconvenience anyone. Not wanting anyone to get hurt while helping me. And afraid of NOT getting the help I was asking for-- perhaps that was the scariest of all.

But within just a few minutes of sending that email, my phone rang. Heronemo, who I had just met last weekend, was ready and eager to help. And then an email from Kerry came in a few minutes later. And then Adrian, and Scott, and Dave, and Bruce. And John Blunt, who I had just met briefly a couple of months ago, offering his van?! Wow! I felt so relieved. Loved. Supported. Trusting. Relieved. Yes, relief came up a lot. And gratitude.

So much gratitude both for the actual physical help, and also for what this was teaching me and how it was helping me grow. I also received some feedback that my email and how it all unfolded was useful and healing not just to me but for others. What a gift. That email went out on Wednesday. Heronemo and Kerry used John's van on Friday to move the bed. And although it started off "so hard" it was actually all "so easy." So thank you, thank you, thank you. I am happy to have a bed in my new place, not just to sleep in, but also to serve as a reminder of friends and community and that it's more than ok to ask for help.


© 2010 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.