Sunday, November 18, 2012

Did I Forget to Wear Pants Again?

I'm not so sure I've ever told anyone this. I have a vague memory of mentioning it to someone once, but I don't know....

For the past few years, I've often found myself in these situations where I leave home to go somewhere and within about less than 20 seconds of getting out of my car and walking away from it, I very suddenly have to look down to make sure I'm wearing pants.

It's weird, because it's not even like I've been at home pant-less right before going out. At least not usually. So I don't really know what this is all about. Is it like one of those dreams where you're in school and suddenly realize that you're naked? Maybe. But this is not a dream, and I'm actually not naked or half-naked. I have never looked down to discover that I have indeed forgotten to wear pants. I have gone out intentionally without pants, but that's a whole other story, one I should get back to working on in one of those books in progress....

So all I'll say more about this for now is that tonight it seemed to come from the fact that I'd just spent all day today and yesterday sitting cross-legged on the floor, and so tonight walking around in the grocery store brought some extra attention to my legs, as they felt somewhat foreign in this upright position doing this thing called "walking." The truth is, this looking down to make sure I'm wearing pants thing hasn't even happened much recently, but it used to happen pretty often, and I had a few theories about it.

One was that I really would prefer to be pantless. I'd prefer to be living at a nudist camp-- no, actually I'd prefer that there was no need to go somewhere "special" but rather that everywhere was "clothing optional." Perhaps with some rules to help with public health concerns. I know it would be a distraction at first, but if you've never been somewhere clothing optional for a good amount of time (and the locker room doesn't really count), you'd be amazed by how quickly you get over it and get used to it.

Another theory was that I was spending so much time alone at home, just lounging around in comfy clothes, or no clothes at all, that even though of course I got dressed before going out, it would take me a while to realize that I had clothes on? Or maybe because of feeling so disconnected from my legs; that would explain why it doesn't happen as much now; I'm more connected. I don't know though. It's hard to explain....

The third thing that came up for me around this was that sometimes I'd look down only after somebody else looked at me, as if it were out of self-consciousness. Somebody would look at me, and I'd think, "oh crap, did I forget to wear pants?!" Then I'd look down, see my pants, and laugh at myself. And then that would make people look at me even more. But by then I knew I was wearing pants, so it didn't matter; I knew they were looking at me because who goes around just laughing out loud unless they're with somebody or on the phone? Just that crazy girl who has lost her sense of whether or not she's wearing pants.



© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

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