Yesterday morning I went out to the beach just before sunrise, in my new swim wear for the very first time-- oh, first I better describe it even though I'll probably post a picture too.
I found it in a small shop down the road from Present Moment. I'd been told not to bother looking in town, that the selection was overpriced. Apparently whoever said that had not been to this shop. I paid 180 pesos, which is $14, for this bikini that's mostly bright red with a light blue border and the union jack (u.k. Flag) on the left breast! And across my sacrum runs the word ENGLAND in big white letters. Ha! I loved it! I prayed it would fit, and it did. It reminded me of advice a friend once gave me about international travel: put a Canadian flag patch on your bag; pretend you're not from the u.s. I never followed that advice, and this says "England," not Canada, but still it reminded me of that and made me smile.
So, back to the beach.... and the magic....
After a little jog that kept getting interrupted by taking pictures of sunrise and pelicans, and readjusting my top so that I wouldn't keep popping out of it, I braved the ocean. And I use the word "braved" not only because I'm not super comfortable in the ocean and have a mixture of rational and irrational fears, but because I felt brave. More courageous. More comfortable. More at ease. With more skin in contact with the water, I just felt more at home. It was like heaven. It was like returning home.
I found myself wondering if wearing one pieces or tankinis had been cutting me off from having more natural instincts in, and affinity for, the ocean. That extra, and synthetic, fabric over my belly blocking the Qi? Perhaps. And/or maybe I was influenced by something Osho said.
Over the past week I've listened to over a dozen hours of his recordings on "Tantra: The Supreme Understanding." They came pre-loaded on my Supreme Science Qigong instructor iPod, and I hadn't listened to them in entirety yet. But now I have, while swinging in a hammock each night. And one thing Osho said was that the body is mostly seawater, and when we're in the womb we are sea creatures.
That really resonated with me. And I couldn't wait to get back in the water after hearing that. So perhaps it was a combination of more bare skin and this reminder that I started out as a creature of the sea and still contain an ocean within me.
And as I remembered back to my time with the dolphins and the bioaquatic therapy in August, my body loosened up and relaxed even more. And as i watched the pelicans float right over some waves, totally undisturbed, i learned from them. And instead of being a bit startled or jolted by the waves or retreating towards the shore as per usual, I started swimming towards the waves, wanting more. Good thing too since today I have a surfing lesson! Something I thought I'd never do. In fact, a few days before scheduling it I very clearly stated to myself that being out in the ocean attached to a board with waves crashing down around me was, was, beyond words, but something dreadful! A bunch of the guests at Present Moment were raving about their surfing lessons. But it was something I certainly didn't need to experience. Something I'd never do.
And then, as has been known to happen sometimes when I make such strong statements of preference regarding something I don't like or don't want, something shifts. Not always, but sometimes. Like this time. And like with "being a runner." I soften. I open to the possibility. I try it on. I face my fears. I stop resisting. I say yes.
© 2013 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.
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