why i love her

i don't love my gramma just cuz i have to. i don't love her because without her i wouldn't be alive. and i don't love her for making the best rice pudding, meatballs, pineapple cake, and smores on the planet. i love her because of what she's been telling me the past few years.

when i moved to sedona in the fall of 2005, that's when it started. she turned into this ultra-supportive wise woman, encouraging me to do what i love, live it up, be happy, etcetera, etcetera.

"growing old isn't for sissies. do what you want now, while you're still young. have fun. do everything you can now."

prior to this, i don't remember her being that way. most of what i remember her saying was either worries over the state of the world we're living in or worries over what she was going to feed me when i visited.

today i called her. it had been several months. i like calling randomly, not for any special occasion. but the last time i called was for her birthday in may, i think. and today, in addition to the above messages, she also said, "sometimes a good relationship is better than a marriage. what do you think?"

well, i was a little speechless. and smiling. but also wondering if i should be disturbed, wondering if she was saying that because of her own marriage. i didn't tell her that one of the main reasons i got a divorce was because i didn't want to end up like her. i love my grandparents, but their marriage is not one that serves as a good example.

so i just tell her, "yes. sometimes a good relationship is better than a marriage. and i don't know if i'll ever get married again."

and then she surprises me by saying something like, "look, becky, you can do whatever you want. what you do with your life is up to you." and the way she says it is so pure and supportive. i see it written here and recognize that it could come across as negatively. but it wasn't like that. it was beautiful.


© 2009 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.