My First Soiree

I remember it like it was yesterday.
Not really.
But doesn't that sound good?

My first soiree. My first Faux Foret Soiree was in September of 2009, on the same weekend I was attending a 4-day SomatoEmotional Release class. I was at the Embassy Suites hotel in Lynwood. I checked my email in the afternoon and an invite had been forwarded to me by Tim, a man I'd met at Ecstatic Dance and had been getting to know throughout the summer.

I was new to Ecstatic Dance in Seattle, had just started going on some Sundays in May, driving down from Anacortes. And other than Tim, I hadn't really gotten to know any of the other dancers, other than Karen F, or anyone else I had met at Critical Massive or Beloved. This seemed like a good opportunity. And I was intrigued by the invite. It sounded like a talent show.

Not even knowing when or if Tim would be there, or if I'd know anyone there,  I decided to go. It was at John A's house. I didn't know John but met him that night. I also met Karin. And Scott W. And Karissa. And Elana. And Becky K. And Dave E. And, of course, Foret.

Sorry if I left anyone out; I do remember at least seeing if not meeting Dave J, Nadine, and Anna K...

But back to Foret.

When I arrived, not many people were there yet, but this huge geodesic dome was set up in the back yard. I entered and saw a man on a ladder, hanging up rags, in a decorative way. This was Foret.

He was like a character out of a novel, from another era. Something Gerard Depardieu about him, with his oversized poet shirt and skinny jeans-- or were they tights?  Not sure if that was actually what he was wearing the first night we met. But it's always how I think of him.



I introduced myself to Foret, and he was kind and welcoming. A twinkle in his eyes. A glistening on his forehead from sweating through the hard work of setting up this dome. I asked him about the Soiree, saying it was my first time. He explained that it was a time for people to perform or share whatever they want to share, whether it be a poem written by self or other, or a song, a story, a dance, whatever-- a time for people to share their gifts with others. I thought about it for a second. I didn't have any of my writing with me. What could I share? Could I lead the group through some Sheng Zhen Qigong? I'm sure Foret said something to the effect of that that would be lovely.

And so I did. And it was lovely. For the first time ever, I lead a group larger than 10-- oh, I suppose I had lead a group of 20 or so at a library intro. But this was different. I'm not sure how many people were there. At least 30, maybe much more. I lead them through Awakening the Soul after sitting through maybe 5 or so others sharing their gifts and thoroughly enjoying it.

I was sitting between Karissa and Dave E., feeling entertained, feeling really comfortable and welcome. Feeling a little nervous, but also really excited to share something I love so much with such a large group. It was really a meaningful and memorable experience, all thanks to Foret for providing the space and the opportunity. And from then on, I was hooked. I couldn't wait for the next Soiree!

Speaking of which, it was also meaningful and memorable in that that's where I met Dave, who I ended up dating for a few months, and who also hosted the next Soireee, where I lead an even larger group through Awakening the Soul, this time with the contemplations, and to people in fabulous Halloween Costumes! Although the relationship was short, it was quite significant in many ways that I won't get into here. But I will say that although I've been told I was quickly welcomed into the "inner circle" quite fast on my own merit, I am sure that that relationship had something to do with it. And I am so grateful for the Ecstatic Dance and Turtle Dance community and the circle of friends and acquaintances I hold so dear to my heart now. Thanks to all of them, all of you, I felt compelled to leave Anacortes and move to Seattle to be closer to all the fun, creativity, love, dance, cuddles, connection.


It occurs to me now that it's quite possible I could still be living in Anacortes, rarely coming down for dance, if it hadn't been for that first soiree. It occurs to me now that even my travels with Adrian may not have happened if it hadn't been for that first soiree, or the 2nd one where I met him. Then again, who knows? Perhaps other paths would have lead me to the same destinations. But for now, in honor of Foret, in memory of Foret, I'd like to give him and his soirees some major credit.

So, I thank you, Foret. May you rest in peace. And keep dancing. Last Sunday I saw you everywhere, all over the dance floor, and all at once, like there were a dozen or more of you there all at one time. It was actually quite comical. And I danced and danced and danced, celebrating how lucky I am to have survived my accident and surgeries, how lucky I am to still be alive and so able to move. When I heard you were in the hospital, I sent prayers and Reiki your way, and I was saddened and shocked to hear of your passing. But rather than dancing sadness last Sunday, I danced gratitude and celebration, not just for my life but for yours as well, and for your role in my life and the lives of many others.

At Michelle's party

Although we never hung out one on one, you certainly had a special place in my heart, and I sit here smiling as more memories come back to me, like the time we danced upstairs at Michelle H's graduation party, and the time we saw each other at Victrola shortly after you'd returned from Portland to my surprise. Surely I'll continue seeing you, in your oversized poet shirts for years to come. Thank you for the soirees. Thank you for the dances.
 

 

***If anyone in these pictures doesn't want them online in my blog, please just tell me and I'll edit it. ***

© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Ode to My Deer Friends, and Cockroaches Too

Over the past 7 to10 days, my awareness of the animal world has seemed to be heightened. Perhaps it actually started in Austin, or Wimberley, with the fireflies and cardinals, the cicadas too. Oh, and there were also deer and cockroaches. Cockroaches. Is it strange that when I see them, rather than being disgusted as most people are, I simply crave medjool dates? Seriously, I do. Hope that doesn't ruin dates for ya. 

Mmmm, yummy. ;)

Cockroaches also make me think of Sedona. When I lived there for several months, I rented an apartment in a house that had cockroaches. They never bothered me. They never got in my food or were in the kitchen. I'd be chillin' on the couch and just notice one or two walking across the room, sort of blending in with the carpet. I didn't name them, but sort of thought of them as pets, or at least as friendly visitors. Not doing any harm. But there was this one time that I came out of the shower, and as I wrapped a towel around my wet hair, one fell to the ground. That was a bit disturbing, wondering if there was another cockroach lingering somewhere in my hair.

Wow, I had no idea this blog entry was going to go there. I love it when that happens. I sat down to write about the animals I've seen over the past week or so and what it all means, and out comes these memories of cockroaches in Sedona. Ha!

But what about the deer? Well, the deer were in Wimberely too. But that's not what made me want to write about them today. What made me want to write about them today is that as I pulled the UHaul out of the driveway in Anacortes on Thursday night, I nearly hit one! What a great way to leave my house, the house I'd just sold, and start the journey back to Seattle. What's so great about it? It slowed me down. It calmed me down. It reminded me to be gentle. And to pay attention.

And earlier in the week, out on San Juan island, my friend and I saw a doe and a fawn. Bambi! It was cute. I told my friend about how I used to sort of sleep with this deer when I was living at Heartwood in Northern California. There was this deer that would come over to my place at night, and I could hear it lying down against the side of my cabin, sharing the same wall as my bed. There was something really sweet about it, something special. A memory I'll always cherish.

Other critters that have been showing up: spiders, hummingbirds, bald eagles, crows, sea lions, ducks, and one adorable little bumble bee I so badly wanted to pet. But now I don't want to write about all of those. The cockroaches stole the spotlight. At least for now. So there's my ode that wasn't really an ode if you know the definition of ode. But we can call it my thanks. My thanks to the cockroaches for the date cravings and memories of Sedona, and my thanks to the deer for the reminders of gentleness and Heartwood. I love you, my deer friends, and cockroaches too. 

© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

An Epic Week, A House Sold...

Although I'm calling the following "fiction based on true events," I'm still keeping it vague so as not to risk being accused of libel or ruining someone's reputation. It's quite possible that my perception of this woman's actions were inaccurate and influenced by how my attorney and other real estate agents, family, and friends perceived it all, in which case the following truly could be called "fiction"-- isn't all nonfiction really fiction based on true events-- I mean we all have our own ways of perceiving, remembering, and telling a story. Who's version is fiction? Who's version is nonfiction? But I digress! And so the story goes:

I woke up last Saturday morning on Mercer Island with this awful feeling that someone had done something she shouldn't have done. Someone who has the key to my house up north and had some inspections done related to the sale of my house, but without notifying me first. Later that day, while attending a herb fair with some friends, my suspicions were confirmed via email. I knew I had to drive up there. I knew I had to go to my house, to see if I could actually see what she'd done. Or if the way she went about it was harmless and/or undetectable. 


Interestingly enough, when I told a close friend about this, she said she also had an issue with her vacant house up north, just a ferry ride away from mine. So we planned to hit the road the following day to go check in on our houses!

I liked the thought of turning this trip up to Anacortes into a little road trip with a friend instead of just driving up all upset to deal with something this unpleasant all on my own. Not only did the company make it more fun, but it was also incredibly supportive to not be alone in this.

When we arrived at my house, I saw something that upset me so much that my friend suggested I practice some qigong before making the call I was about to make. But it was too late. I was already dialing. And I let this woman have it, pointing out how she'd taken advantage of having a key to my house, should have notified me regardless of her right to conduct these inspections, violated written agreements, had no right to remove something from my property for testing (only a homeowner or someone certified has that right), and I could no longer trust her.

At this point, I was not afraid of scaring her off and not selling my house. I knew that I was in the right and she was in the wrong and there was nothing to lose by stating The Truth, pointing out the facts of what she did, what the agreements say, how I interpret those agreement, and how I feel about it.  I totally lost my cool on the phone with her though, which is a rare thing for me. So when it happens, I suppose I try to trust it and own it. This time I had my doubts and was a little worried though.

On the ferry ride after the call, we did practice some qigong. My friend pointed out that I looked like a whole new woman afterwards. Nevertheless, I still found myself thinking about the whole situation like a tape loop. She offered to do some energetic cord cutting. I gladly took her up on the offer. I felt a bit nauseated afterwards, but better. Clearer. Empowered and at peace with everything I had said. And when I told my lawyer about the conversation the next day, he emphatically said, "Good!" and assured me that I hadn't said anything that was "wrong" or could get me in trouble. I also received the ok to go ahead and make it clear that there'd be no further negotiation, as I was under no obligation to do so at this point. The purchase price was already low, and it made no sense for me to lower it more or put money into repairs at the agreed upon purchase price. Period.

After a long day of driving around, ferry delays, I got back to Seattle just in time for an improv class. Interesting to notice the ways in which running on empty either helped or hindered my participation that night! It was a nice distraction from thinking about all this stuff, at least until the next day, the day her response was due. Tuesday. On Tuesday, I found myself not even wanting this buyer to have my house but also feeling I was in a win win situation. I had accepted the initial offer, so if they still wanted the house, great! And if not, well I'd spend some time this summer making repairs and then rent it out or sell for higher. No problem.

In the evening I went to my weekly class at the Center for Spiritual Living, still hadn't heard anything from the buyer, but was happy to be going into this 3-hour class, figuring that by the end of it there'd be an email or fax waiting for me. This was week 7 of a 10-week class I'd been taking. The topic this time was Money and Abundance. The teacher said something about money representing freedom, and for some people that means owning a house, but for others it means not owning a house. What synchronicity! And when the class was over, I did have a message on my phone, notifying me that a response had come in, and an email in my inbox. I'd sold my house!

There was also a request for a quick close by the end of the week. This was a Tuesday night, which meant escrow would need to know by the end of Wednesday if I'd be able to get my stuff moved out by Friday. I was surprised. And motivated to close quickly. I spent Wednesday seeing clients, teaching qigong, and planning a quick move. Got a UHaul and moving help lined up, as well as a ride up to Anacortes so I could just drive the Uhaul back to Seattle. It all happened so fast, I barely had time to say goodbye to the house. I'd imagined taking longer, maybe even spending at least one more night there. Writing. Or maybe even doing some sort of ceremony. But no. I arrived just in time to pick up the truck in the early evening and meet the movers. Drove back to Seattle in the dark. Spent Friday taking advantage of having the Uhaul to move some more stuff out of my place in Seattle and then unloading it all into my parents' house and garage since this summer I'll be living with them before moving to Austin in the Fall. Yes, lots of moving. Lots of change.

So this Saturday morning, today, I woke up on Mercer Island with feelings of peace, gratitude, and freedom. As of yesterday afternoon, I am no longer a homeowner. I am almost 33. I am almost moved back in with my parents. And it all feels surprisingly good. I'm viewing the summer as like being on summer vacation, and/or a writing sabbatical.

So, what's next? Certainly not that 4plex in Austin that used to be a condemned crack house! ;) But something. Not sure what, or when. But I'm ready. Ready to explore. Ready to find out. With patience, ease, joy, and trust.


© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.

Trust In the Process as It Unfolds

Last night I received some news via email that was so shocking and disappointing, all I could do was laugh and nod my head in disbelief. The email called for a reply, but it would have to wait. I was tired, and I fell asleep easily close to midnight, shortly after reading this email. But then I woke up at 5 a.m. unable to fall back asleep, thinking the worst, letting my imagination and worries get the best of me. About what?  For legal reasons, I need to keep it vague at this point in time. And actually, the email and its content, the whole situation/story/drama, doesn't even really matter right now. What matters is how I got through the morning and the rest of the day.

As soon as those worries started going at 5a.m., I thought of Sheng Zhen Gong, the qigong of unconditional love, with one of its main messages being: "no worries." Easier said than done at times, for sure! But I recently returned home from a 5 day retreat and training for Zhongtian Yiqi Meditation (also known as The Union of Three Hearts), and I felt that listening to the guided meditation on my iPod would help calm my mind enough to go back to sleep. And although I didn't end up going back to sleep, all throughout the day I heard in my head one of my favorite lines in that guided meditation: "Trust in the process as it unfolds."

Nevertheless, it was a long morning of trying to make what seemed like a tough decision, especially without much sleep. While talking with a dear friend, I received some clarity about how I was feeling and why. I was also reminded that I do have a strong sense of what's really fair and right. And so the best thing for me to do was be patient, not rush into a decision. Give myself the time and space and room to breathe. To feel what I'm feeling. To receive more clarity. To gather more information if necessary. And then to respond rather than react. And to trust in this process as it's been unfolding, no matter how ugly some of it is appearing to be now, trusting that it's all for the best and finding the gifts within the experience.

And so I let myself cry and sigh for awhile, and then I practiced Jesus Standing Qigong followed by Mohammed Sitting Qigong. With my mom! It's been such a treat practicing qigong with her. She's been practicing since Master Li visited in April. And during our practice, I felt myself lightening up, feeling calmer, but still a bit distracted by mental chatter and questioning, so I decided I'd continue practicing either until I felt I could take a nap, or until I received some sort of clarity about my situation, or until I felt energized enough to go out for a walk or to run errands.

So I did a 2nd round of Jesus Standing Qigong followed by Return to Spring Qigong, followed by another round of Zhongtian Yiqi Meditation. I fell asleep on and off throughout the meditation and took a short nap after it ended. I woke up, ran some errands, went for a walk, talked to a couple of friends and an attorney, and then returned to my parents' house knowing how to respond, rather than react, to that email.

I sent my reply and walked away from the computer feeling surprisingly giddy and free. Laughing even. And then I watched a funny movie with my mom. The funny thing is that the reply I sent is exactly the reply I wanted to send at 5 a.m. But apparently first I needed to go through the day, to go through the process of all I needed to go through to get to this point of trusting myself and seeing that my emotional reaction, my gut, and the logical response were all one in the same this time. Sometimes that's how it is. Our gut instinct is right on about what to do or say, but in some situations it's important to be clear about who or what is really driving the bus. Feeling those strong emotions is one thing. Letting them influence what we say or how we say it to others is another.

And so today I'm so thankful for those words: Trust in the process as it unfolds.

What more can we ever do? Distrust it? Fight it? Sure. But that just leads to more suffering. Trusting and surrendering relieves us from suffering. The only way out is through.


© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.