Trust In the Process as It Unfolds

Last night I received some news via email that was so shocking and disappointing, all I could do was laugh and nod my head in disbelief. The email called for a reply, but it would have to wait. I was tired, and I fell asleep easily close to midnight, shortly after reading this email. But then I woke up at 5 a.m. unable to fall back asleep, thinking the worst, letting my imagination and worries get the best of me. About what?  For legal reasons, I need to keep it vague at this point in time. And actually, the email and its content, the whole situation/story/drama, doesn't even really matter right now. What matters is how I got through the morning and the rest of the day.

As soon as those worries started going at 5a.m., I thought of Sheng Zhen Gong, the qigong of unconditional love, with one of its main messages being: "no worries." Easier said than done at times, for sure! But I recently returned home from a 5 day retreat and training for Zhongtian Yiqi Meditation (also known as The Union of Three Hearts), and I felt that listening to the guided meditation on my iPod would help calm my mind enough to go back to sleep. And although I didn't end up going back to sleep, all throughout the day I heard in my head one of my favorite lines in that guided meditation: "Trust in the process as it unfolds."

Nevertheless, it was a long morning of trying to make what seemed like a tough decision, especially without much sleep. While talking with a dear friend, I received some clarity about how I was feeling and why. I was also reminded that I do have a strong sense of what's really fair and right. And so the best thing for me to do was be patient, not rush into a decision. Give myself the time and space and room to breathe. To feel what I'm feeling. To receive more clarity. To gather more information if necessary. And then to respond rather than react. And to trust in this process as it's been unfolding, no matter how ugly some of it is appearing to be now, trusting that it's all for the best and finding the gifts within the experience.

And so I let myself cry and sigh for awhile, and then I practiced Jesus Standing Qigong followed by Mohammed Sitting Qigong. With my mom! It's been such a treat practicing qigong with her. She's been practicing since Master Li visited in April. And during our practice, I felt myself lightening up, feeling calmer, but still a bit distracted by mental chatter and questioning, so I decided I'd continue practicing either until I felt I could take a nap, or until I received some sort of clarity about my situation, or until I felt energized enough to go out for a walk or to run errands.

So I did a 2nd round of Jesus Standing Qigong followed by Return to Spring Qigong, followed by another round of Zhongtian Yiqi Meditation. I fell asleep on and off throughout the meditation and took a short nap after it ended. I woke up, ran some errands, went for a walk, talked to a couple of friends and an attorney, and then returned to my parents' house knowing how to respond, rather than react, to that email.

I sent my reply and walked away from the computer feeling surprisingly giddy and free. Laughing even. And then I watched a funny movie with my mom. The funny thing is that the reply I sent is exactly the reply I wanted to send at 5 a.m. But apparently first I needed to go through the day, to go through the process of all I needed to go through to get to this point of trusting myself and seeing that my emotional reaction, my gut, and the logical response were all one in the same this time. Sometimes that's how it is. Our gut instinct is right on about what to do or say, but in some situations it's important to be clear about who or what is really driving the bus. Feeling those strong emotions is one thing. Letting them influence what we say or how we say it to others is another.

And so today I'm so thankful for those words: Trust in the process as it unfolds.

What more can we ever do? Distrust it? Fight it? Sure. But that just leads to more suffering. Trusting and surrendering relieves us from suffering. The only way out is through.


© 2012 Rebecca Clio Gould. All rights reserved.