Now, what is this blog entry about? It's about a dream!
I had a dream that my massage table was on fire. Actually, there was just a fire underneath it, and it wasn't exactly my table, but it was a table in an office that I was apparently using and sharing with other therapists. This massage room I walked into looked like an office but with a few massage tables all in a row. Not an ideal work environment. It's one thing to have lack of privacy at a retreat center like Esalen, but to have a set up like that in some high rise building, clinical setting? Yuck. Not my cup of tea.
A couple of people (a friend and also one of the other therapists?) were waiting for me outside. I was looking for something in the room before leaving, and blowing out candles (unless the blowing out candles was in another dream, or both dreams...).
There was something I was looking for, not sure what, but I couldn't find it. My vision even started to fade, and occasionally little dots of light would appear. I wondered if I was getting a migraine or about to black out. I called out to whoever was waiting for me that I needed some help, that I couldn't see right, and now I also felt that my leg was extremely hot, as if it were burning.
The friends, or whoever they were, came into the room and saw that under the massage table I was standing right next to, there was a little fire. The blanket over the table went almost all the way down to the floor, giving it more of a bed-like appearance, so it was not so obvious at first. But apparently I'd knocked a candle over and it rolled under the table and started a little fire.
I looked for a fire extinguisher. Not sure if I found one, but either the fire got put out or the dream ended.
I woke up a little overheated, needing to remove one of my blankets.
Although fire dreams are sometimes just about being overheated in bed, I think this dream had much more significance than that.
Without even consulting a dream dictionary, it was clear to me that this had to do with having just talked about leaving massage behind. But out of curiosity, I consulted an online dream dictionary. It said that the fire can symbolize something in your life that has recently been destroyed, and oftentimes as of yesterday (the day leading up to that night's dream). And that "yesterday" for me involved two different conversations in which I said very clearly that I'll maintain my license, probably be open to some trades and working with some people, but I'm done with the massage "business" for at least awhile, if not forever or at least until I have the right office and can clearly define my niche. I feel that my heart must be in it, and lately it just hasn't been. Don't get me wrong; when I'm in the flow with a receptive client or trading with a friend, my heart is certainly in it. But I don't feel the passion and drive required to actively build up this part of my practice and attract new clients. And so it's time for me to focus now on where my true passions lie: qigong and writing.
And so it is.
Later that day, my Sheng Zhen Gong master said that when I'm in Austin he'll help me with my movements when we take breaks from working on revising one of his books. What a gift! I get to work on writing website content and a book revision for Sheng Zhen, and receive extra corrections directly from the master? Yes! And I am grateful.
These two Sheng Zhen writing projects falling into my lap also goes to show the power of the mind, and of words. In addition to saying that I'm going to focus on qigong and writing, over the past couple of months I've been practicing saying, and thinking, "I am a writer." And voila! Soon after I started declaring that, yes, I am a writer, I was asked to edit previously written content for the new website, and then asked to be in charge of writing new content as well, and now asked to help with revising the next edition of one of our main books. It's a very good feeling to step into these roles, this role as "a writer."
So, what about my other writing projects? My books in progress? They're still there. They're still here. I'll still work on them, little by little, one by one. And as long as I'm writing, and writing about something I love, and I sure do love Sheng Zhen Gong, I'll feel that I'm truly living my creative dreams. And how wonderful to combine two of my biggest, most important dreams: writing something that will reach many people and help them AND spreading Sheng Zhen.
What a blessing.
Behold the power of that burning bed, that fire energy! Sometimes one thing must be destroyed, for another to be created. Sometimes we must let go of one thing to make space for another. From now on, this example of the burning bed is going to stick with me, helping me trust in this power and the magical transformations that can result from fire, whether as a destructive force or as passion in the heart, or, as in this case, both.
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