"Oh, do you go by Becky?" my teacher asked.
"Well, it depends. I don't usually introduce myself as Becky, now that I'm an 'adult,' but I usually think of myself as Becky. It's actually a bit of an issue for me sometimes. Who am I? Rebecca or Becky?"
"Well if you think of yourself as Becky, then that's your truth."
"Yeah, but I'm Rebecca too. And it doesn't really feel right introducing myself as Becky."
And since then she's been calling me Becky. But it doesn't sound right. Or feel right. And it took a couple of times before realizing why, and it's something I had never considered before. For me, "Becky" is not just a name or a nickname; it's a term of endearment.
"Beck" is just a nickname. Beck, Becks, Becca. Those are nicknames. I suppose they can, and sometimes are, like terms of endearment as well. But for me, Becky is something else; it's more intimate; I'm more sensitive to who uses it with me.
So it just doesn't sound right when certain people say it, even sometimes with people who are close to me but have always known me as Rebecca, but especially when a stranger or acquaintance says it. Then again, I suppose I have met some "strangers" and have some acquaintances who can get away with it. Oh, and this would make a whole other great writing topic: what's the difference between a friend and acquaintance? But back to this one....
There are some people, whether close or not, who could get away with calling me pretty much anything because of their tone of voice and loving energy (not that this yoga teacher isn't sweet and loving). For example, I used to hate being called Becca, so much so that I'd tell people right off the bat when introducing myself. But over the past few years, a few of the sweetest souls I know have called me Becca, and it felt fine; it even helped me soften to the possibility of that nickname being used by others. But still, it's not my favorite.
My favorite actually isn't even Becky. It's Beckita! Because my mom calls me that sometimes. But I'm pretty sure it wouldn't sound right coming from anyone else, and not so sure I wanna find out. But maybe. If it's said just right....
As for Becky though, when people who are close to me but know me as Rebecca start trying to call me Becky, it doesn't necessarily sound right regardless of how well they know me or how dearly they love me.
My former housemate Kerry actually could have gotten away with calling me Becky. We discussed implementing this change. But one morning he greeted me in the kitchen and started out with "Rebec--" and then remembered the plan and finished with the "--ky." And that's how "Rebecky" was born! Now that is defintely not a name I'd ever use to introduce myself. But even just the thought of it makes me smile. Maybe because it's so silly, or maybe because of how it was created or the way Kerry says it.
So what am I even getting at here? I don't know. The main point was my revelation about "Becky" feeling and sounding like a term of endearment to me, not just an ordinary nickname. Then again, "Rebecca" can be just as sweet. It so totally seems to depend on who is saying it! It's weird.
And I could go on about the different meanings and energies of each name, and actually that would be more fitting with the title of this blog since that's more about "identity" and Rebecca vs. Becky, while this is more of a vague exploration that just skims the surface, but now that I'm getting my writing brain warmed up, it's time to work on my books!
I do see a sequel to "Rebecca vs. Becky (aka My Nickname Identity Crisis)" or a "What's in a Name" blog entry in the not too distant future. I actually have quite a lot to say about my middle name: Clio. The Greek muse of history. The record keeper. The proclaimer. The writer. Yes, how appropriate for me. And it's time to put her to work.
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