he asked me if my heart's in it. he said it doesn't sound like it is. said i sound confused. and like it's probably not the best thing for me. but then he said love is a choice. and god works in mysterious ways. and that i sound a little self-absorbed. and maybe it's time for a change.
all this, and much more, from a random man i don't even know.
he says to have faith, get out of my head, and listen to my heart.
i can't hear what it's saying anymore.
but after this conversation, i feel inspired to choose to love. but then as i'm washing my hands after taking the puppy out, i'm thinking, "my heart's not in it," and i'm even smiling as i think this because it makes me feel better about giving him to someone whose heart would be in it, "sure i could do this, but my heart's not in it. why force it?"
and then he walks over to me while i'm still at the sink, puts his paws up on me, standing up, looking at me as he stretches. and i think, "how could my heart not be in you?"
but it's not. and i cry.
i cry for this puppy. i cry for myself.
all he wants is to please me, to give and receive love, to play.
he's a mirror.
showing me. challenging me. teaching me.
but that doesn't mean he's meant to stay.
my heart says someone else could love him better. and it breaks my heart to say....
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