I don't know about this....but I do know it's a beautiful day.

For various reasons, I have some hesitations about starting a blog, so who knows how long this will last....

BUT, yesterday I read an article that encouraged finding a "meaningless" hobby for 2009. The first thing that came to mind was starting a blog. It came to mind because both my brother and a close friend had suggested I start one, but I'd always protest, partially because I felt it would take time away from more "meaningful" writing or other activities. I'd rather put my writing time into writing a book, or two, or three, or four.... Books with meaning, that would be helpful to others, and helpful to myself to get memories and ideas and stories out of my system. But clearly that hasn't been happening. What's happening is NOW. And what's more present-moment than keeping a daily blog rather than writing about the past for the sake of a future book? Perhaps not writing at all, and just simply being! But for writing, blogging is pretty present moment.

And this morning I woke up to an email from that friend who had suggested a blog, and he actually referenced my blog, as if I had already started one. WHAT?!?!

Fine. Ok. So instead of writing in my journal or in a Word document right now, I'll use this space to share this morning's experience. Since this is my new "meaningless" hobby, perhaps it will take some of the pressure off of my writing, and I can just be free to write whatever, not caring who will read it. Maybe nobody will read it. Maybe this is just for me. Uh oh, that's starting to sound sort of "meaningful" now, isn't it?

So, this morning I didn't really wake up to that email. I woke up to my thirst.

Not knowing what time it was, I rolled out of bed, crawled to the hole in the floor, and climbed down the ladder. (I sleep in an attic/loft-type space. It's like sleeping in a tent, but indoors and up a ladder. Like a treehouse! )

Back to waking up--- Once I got some water and saw what time it was, I realized I wouldn't be going back to sleep, so I climbed back up to get 3 important things: my iPod with my meditation on it, my cell phone (I can't believe I'm labeling this as important!), and my new favorite book: "The Mastery of Love" by don Miguel Ruiz.

Then I went into the blue room. The blue room is a blue room. I think it's supposed to be my bedroom. But it's where I meditate and practice healing movement, like qigong and continuum. I also keep my clothes there.

I sat on the little black couch in the little blue room and listened to my favorite meditation. Connected with my "wisdom center," removed negativity and blockages, filled myself with love and light.

After the meditation, I rolled out my personal shiatsu mat on the floor and sat down. I'd decided which Continuum dive to go into. One that Emilie Conrad showed me during a private, with an addition that Julie Jacobs (Continuum teacher and physical therapist in Seattle) had shown me.

Circling the inside of the mouth with the tip of the tongue and humming, followed by knee lifts and puffy o's, followed by lying down and circling the belly button with thumb tip and puffy o's, followed by side-lying waves and octo-movement with blurs and lunar breaths. Hmmm, if anybody's reading this, unless you've experienced Continuum Movement, you probably have no clue what I'm talking about. And for now it will remain that way. Not going to explain.

But what I will share is that I had an amazing experience. A breakthrough of sorts. During one of my movement explorations on the floor, the right side of my body ended up in the same position it had been in at the time of impact, when the car hit the tree, 12 years and 11 months ago. Immediately I filled with tears and fear and knew where I was: back in that car, terrified, trapped, not able to feel or move my legs-- but no! I was not in the car. I was at home, on the floor, safe. I was safe. I am safe. And without thinking about it, I heard those words leaving my lips, "you're safe, you're safe, i'm safe, i'm safe." not only was i safe, but i could feel and move my legs. with this realization and release, my crying subsided, my heart rate slowed, my breath returned and deepened. and then ecstasy. freedom. weightlessness.

the difference in my movement and my mood was profound. so free and playful. my legs no longer felt heavy or disconnected. they felt alive. i felt alive. smiling. laughing. moving. and suddenly i was no longer side-lying; i was on my back, like a baby, playing with arms and legs up in the air. so effortlessly. so joyfully. at last!

oh how i love thee, let me count the ways! where to begin? where to end?

i spent about an hour with continuum, and then i wanted to feel water pouring down on me. so it was time for a shower. i slowly stood up and stepped out of the dark room and into the bathroom. as i opened up the window in the shower, i saw blue sky and sang out, "Beautiful day!" and half way through "beautiful day," i heard a voice in my head saying that every day is a beautiful day. And it's true.

The sky is always blue.
The sun is always shining.
Sometimes we just can't see it.
But it's there. Always.