A Bad Dream

I woke up at 4 a.m. but made the mistake of going back to sleep.

I take that back-- I did not make a mistake. I banned the word "mistake" from my reality last year (but apparently it just sneaked back in)!

What happened this morning was that I felt wonderful at 4 a.m. and thought about starting my day a little early, but instead I went back to sleep, had an awful dream, and woke up feeling groggy and anxious.

I dreamed that my ex-husband and I were getting remarried! And that the day of the wedding I realized it was a huge mistake! (there's that word again!) I had cold feet, but it wasn't just nerves. I was realizing that I had been in a daze, not myself, acting out of fear of being alone, and running away from my love for someone else. So I called my friend to confess all this, and she convinced me to go ahead with the wedding and then get another divorce! WHAT?!?! But then I tried calling my ex/groom, wondering if maybe he was having cold feet too, and I couldn't reach him. I reached his voicemail and couldn't stand the sound of his voice. I couldn't stand the thought of kissing him even just for show at the wedding. But I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who were going to be there, the same people who had been at the first wedding, and I couldn't bare the thought of them all showing up and then calling off the wedding, and I felt so stupid! Oh, it was awful. What a drama!

I should have been relieved to wake up from this nightmare, and I was somewhat, but mostly I just felt disturbed. And my head still hurts! WAH!!!!!