blessings in disguise, and not in disguise

"In what way was your car accident a gift?" he asked.
"Let me get back to you on that," I replied.

Since asked yesterday afternoon, the question hasn't left me. The answer isn't clear. I get a choir of different voices with different answers, singing different songs.

Why isn't the answer clear? Why am I so tongue-tied?

Perhaps there are multiple gifts, and some remain to be seen. I'd like to sum them all up with one all-encompassing word or phrase. Is that too much to ask?

Speaking of asking, and speaking of gifts that are clear to me, on to the next subject, the subject of love and relationships. The other day I admitted to a friend that I have a history of being attracted to men who are unavailable and/or who aren't ready for a partnership, and she asked me if that could mean that I've been unavailable and not ready for a partnership.

Quite possible. But also quite possibly not. Who knows. Maybe I am or was required to be single. Or maybe I just need to adjust my attitude and beliefs. I don't know. Like the car accident question, this question doesn't have a clear answer. But it's not bothering me, as is my lack of clarity with the car accident gift question.

Instead this question somehow added to the relief I felt the previous day when I remembered something-- I was actually thinking about posting an entry called "remember what you ask for" after the "careful what you ask for" entry, because I remembered that when I turned 29, I declared that I was prepared to spend this whole year single, and happily so, working on myself, strengthening my foundation.

Funny that the flood in my basement and cracks in the foundation didn't remind me of this. If only I had remembered what I had asked for, or rather what I had declared for this year, perhaps I could have spared myself some recent heartache. Or perhaps not.

Perhaps it's all a necessary part of the "working on myself" and "building a foundation." Perhaps I've been receiving exactly what I asked for, exactly what I need or require at this time in my life. And what I require and what I ask for could change at any time.....

For now I'm just grateful for all my blessings in disguise, and blessings not in disguise. And what a relief it is to be back in the present moment and feel at ease again, genuinely accepting and appreciating that whatever is simply is.