One needs to practice to keep the heart open
To become rooted in the bliss at the core
When the soul is awakened, there is one true desire
To become one in the heart with no restraint
This giving of oneself with no conditions
Is freeing oneself to become a saint
-Master Li Jun Feng
To become rooted in the bliss at the core
When the soul is awakened, there is one true desire
To become one in the heart with no restraint
This giving of oneself with no conditions
Is freeing oneself to become a saint
-Master Li Jun Feng
Keeping the heart open takes practice. But what about closing the heart? Should the heart always be open? Perhaps so, if rooted in the bliss at the core. No need to close off as protection when grounded and know that bliss is within oneself, not dependent or affected by others.
What does it mean to become one in the heart with no restraint? Loving and giving with no restraint? The giving of oneself with no conditions-- I've experienced this, this "freeing of oneself to become a saint," and it's divine. But sometimes it's easier said than done. Sometimes conditions sneak up where there once were none. Where does this come from? Questioning. Doubting.
I don't know.
Today I feel estranged from love. It's a strange feeling since at the same time I feel that I'm in this world to give and receive love. It's so important to me. But today I don't know what love is. I feel cold and empty, or rather hot and full, but not of love. Today I'm experiencing the release of repressed anger. I'm also experiencing heart-ache and confusion. Last night I cried myself to sleep. This morning I woke up with a smile, but only because a typically unaffectionate angry cat came up to me an rested his head on my shoulder, purring, and that feeling, that contact, made me smile, and then that pissed me off, because it made me feel needy, like I needed somebody or something else's touch or love to make me happy. NO, not that! And so I cried again. And cried some more this afternoon. Sometimes crying feels good, emotionally cleansing. Sometimes it feels like unnecessary suffering. Self-created drama. Bleh!
[sigh]
I saw a craniosacral therapist here in Austin today. She tuned into some things nobody else has in all my years of receiving bodywork and energywork, one of which was that my liver may be restricted because of the mesh wall in my side and all the scar tissue from that and also from my midline scar. Suddenly my repressed anger, and confusion over how to express it, suddenly it made sense. Since the session, my eyes have been red and burning. Tears come even when not crying. This is part of my liver releasing and relaxing into expressing itself. Now I am feeling exhausted. I haven't used that word in a long time, not since realizing I was misusing it, exaggerating. I think I mean it this time though, which is why I'm using it. So I'm at a hotel, 2 nights to go before 10 day teacher training, and part of me wants to stay here, not even step outside until Friday. I don't know if that's what's best for me though. Some say to follow your feelings. Some say emotions get in the way; follow your heart. What's the difference?
What does it mean to become one in the heart with no restraint? Loving and giving with no restraint? The giving of oneself with no conditions-- I've experienced this, this "freeing of oneself to become a saint," and it's divine. But sometimes it's easier said than done. Sometimes conditions sneak up where there once were none. Where does this come from? Questioning. Doubting.
I don't know.
Today I feel estranged from love. It's a strange feeling since at the same time I feel that I'm in this world to give and receive love. It's so important to me. But today I don't know what love is. I feel cold and empty, or rather hot and full, but not of love. Today I'm experiencing the release of repressed anger. I'm also experiencing heart-ache and confusion. Last night I cried myself to sleep. This morning I woke up with a smile, but only because a typically unaffectionate angry cat came up to me an rested his head on my shoulder, purring, and that feeling, that contact, made me smile, and then that pissed me off, because it made me feel needy, like I needed somebody or something else's touch or love to make me happy. NO, not that! And so I cried again. And cried some more this afternoon. Sometimes crying feels good, emotionally cleansing. Sometimes it feels like unnecessary suffering. Self-created drama. Bleh!
[sigh]
I saw a craniosacral therapist here in Austin today. She tuned into some things nobody else has in all my years of receiving bodywork and energywork, one of which was that my liver may be restricted because of the mesh wall in my side and all the scar tissue from that and also from my midline scar. Suddenly my repressed anger, and confusion over how to express it, suddenly it made sense. Since the session, my eyes have been red and burning. Tears come even when not crying. This is part of my liver releasing and relaxing into expressing itself. Now I am feeling exhausted. I haven't used that word in a long time, not since realizing I was misusing it, exaggerating. I think I mean it this time though, which is why I'm using it. So I'm at a hotel, 2 nights to go before 10 day teacher training, and part of me wants to stay here, not even step outside until Friday. I don't know if that's what's best for me though. Some say to follow your feelings. Some say emotions get in the way; follow your heart. What's the difference?
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