13 years ago I spent this entire day, and yesterday, in surgery. 2/3 of my intestines removed. Fractured vertebrae fused with screws and bone graft taken from my hip. It's a miracle I survived. It's a miracle I can eat. It's a miracle I can move. And this year I'm reminded not only to savor every bite of food, but also to savor every move.
Today I swung on a swing as I've never swung before. So light and free. Flying through the air. How could this be? How could it be that swinging on this swing felt so new, so unfamiliar?
The last time I swung on a swing was the last time I was in Austin, during what I like to refer to as "the demon workshop weekend." And that is a whole other story!
Today I felt moved by this movement, as it reminded me of past restriction and inhibition of movement, and just how far I've come since my car accident, or even before the accident. Even as a little girl I felt some restriction in my body. Was it because I was teased? I don't know. I do know that up until kindergarten I loved to dance, loved to play, and express myself freely through movement. And also through my voice by singing. But in elementary school I was teased for being overweight, so I stopped moving my body. And I was teased for having a slight lisp, so I shut my mouth.
Kids could be so cruel! Not only to others, but to ourselves. No wonder I never wanted to go to summer camp. And how funny that that's where I am now. A Jewish summer camp, in the winter, in Texas, at a Sheng Zhen teacher training for Jesus Standing!
And what better timing than the anniversary of my car accident and 2-week hospital stay? It's amazing to be here. That in itself is amazing-- simply being here, being alive. And it's amazing to be here moving my body so freely. So gracefully. So painlessly.
Last night we spent what felt like about 10 minutes or so on the first movement of Kuan Yin Standing. The snake-like, wave-like motion of my spine filled me with gratitude and joy. It's just amazing to me that this body of mine can move as it does. It's a amazing that a fractured and fused back, a torso full of scar tissue and mesh wall, can twist and sway and undulate with relative ease. It's taken a lot of time, a lot of bodywork, energywork, qigong, and, most recently, continuum to get to this point. And I think it's also about belief. That's a new belief of mine! I believe that my beliefs, my thoughts, my stories were keeping me imprisoned. But now I'm breaking free!
And how great it is now to be returning to that natural state of freedom and playfulness, little by little, step by step.....
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